Ay, Ay, Ay!

He always does something new the day before he turns a new month. Yesterday night, he opened his bedroom door in the middle of the night and got out. Will not be investing in a sturdy gate so he does not hurt himself.

N.I.L (Naijamum in London): Ramblings, Questions and Thoughts

N.I.L (Naijamum in London): Ramblings, Questions and Thoughts: Hope all of you are well ?? I see a few nodding, a couple shaking their heads and a handful looking undecided. LOL Anyway dearies, I had a...

Catch up.

He is 19 months now. Wow. How times flies huh? And  how blogs are abandoned!

Baby Mango is no longer an appropriate name for him since his head is decidedly un-Mango-like.

How can one tiny person be SO LOUD?

The boy likes his food hot. I mean, hot hot. I call him 'Asbestos Mouth' because he doesn't seem to feel the heat. I still like his food to cool down though. But here's the thing: any time I tell him 'Your food is hot, wait for it to cool down' he goes and turns on the fan!

Right now he is holding my right hand so that I can stop typing. He has hated my laptop since he turned nine months old. Whenever I bring it up, he starts crying. Huh. Competition. I guess being a writer like mum is out of the question?

Got to go. Now he is trashing the place.

Payback is a bitch.

So Baby Mango just bit his father's nipple. I cannot envisage in what situation this happened (I think it was through his shirt. Mango is screaming. I can hear the tears at the edge of each yelp) or how Mango could be so stupid as to let BM's needle teeth anywhere near that area, but I am so happy this has occurred.

I'm sure it will put things in perspective for Mango now. Muhahahaha!

Rant of the day.

Whoever came up with the term 'Sleeping like a baby'? WHO?

Do they even have children? Or am I the one who is the anomaly to this rule? Because not only do babies spend an awful amount of time NOT sleeping but they also make it impossible for anyone desirous of this state to achieve it.

Let us recap: From the early stages - Baby hungry > Cry >Awake >Feed baby > Put down.
Baby poo/Wee > Cry > Awake > Change baby > Put back down
Baby want cuddle > Cry >Awake > Cuddle baby to sleep > Pace > Put down.

Then in the middle stages - Baby hungry/cold/got wind > Cry > Awake > Feed/Wrap/Burp > Put down

Now - Baby Separation anxiety > Cry > Awake > Stay with baby > Pat > Try to leave >Baby Separation anxiety > Cry > Awake > Stay with baby > Pat >Baby Teething > Cry > Awake > Stay with baby > Give Paracetamol/Bongela > Pat >Baby Separation anxiety > Cry > Awake > Stay with baby > Pat >Baby Teething + Separation anxiety > Cry > Awake > Stay with baby > Pat >...you get the picture.

And if this happens every one and a half to two hours, then at what time is a baby supposed to sleep like a baby?

As for me, I've given up all hope of a good night's sleep. No sooner than you conquer one problem then another rears its head. Oh joy.

And then he smiles in the morning, and you are like 'Sleep? WHat sleep? I'll sleep when I'm dead. Oh he is so cute, I want another one," forgetting the night's issues.

 Babies rule the world, I tell you.

As soon as he's 18, I am soooooo booking an extended spa break where I can sleep all I want.

It's just a little crush...

Right? I mean, a married woman with a child can have a crush. I don't necessarily have to do anything about it, that would be bad and wrong, oh so wrong. But having the crush in itself is harmless right?

 And what if the crush was not on a human being per se? Would that still be acceptable? No? I mean doing anything about it then would definitely be weird and wrong. And bad, mustn't forget bad. It's still pretty harmless right? At least it is a living thing...wait...is it a living thing?

Are cartoons technically 'living things'? People do the voice overs and make them move, but they can't be...

Oh heck! I'm in crush with a cartoon saxophone from Baby TV. I don't know what it is; the voice, the winking-blinking badassness or those carelessly thrown-on glasses, but there it is. My shameful secret it out.

I am a goner.

That's not my name!

I don't know why, but Mango is the worst nickname picker in the world, bless him.

 He means well, but some of his nicknames for me have just been weird. One of them,was 'Feigel', the Yiddish for bird.

 I am neither Jewish, nor birdlike and each time he called me that, all I thought about was how the only bird that looked like me was yellow, had big feet and wasn't called Tweety. But this was not as bad as the period where he kept calling me 'Giuseppe'. I hated that period and now I hate that name.

Anyway, today while changing Baby Mango, he suddenly asks: "What colour would you say he was, caramel?"

"Yes, I guess you could say that," I replied.

"You're a little caramel licker," he said to Baby Mango, referring to the fact that he was licking his shirt. I paused and thought about saying nothing. Mango's  previous offering was 'Tongue boy' based on BM's 5-week-old habit of sticking his tongue out.

"Why do all your nicknames for him sound a bit porny?" 

Apparently me pointing these things out says more about my one-track mind than it does his lack of skill.

Ah, well.