I'd like to see you try!

I know all babies love to wee when their wee bits are exposed to air, but to borrow a phrase from Mango, 'We're raising a champion pee-er!'

So far, Mango had been the culprit of Baby Mango's hose-downs. I've sat smugly away from the spray and directed him as he spluttered and coughed up a mouthful of baby plumbing contents: 'No, no! Not like that, point it away...away, I said! Didn't you bring any toilet roll to contain it? Well serves you right, next time you'll know better!", feeling superior because unlike him, I am not an only child and have had experience with these things.

But yesterday was different. As usual I blew on Baby Mango's bits as I was changing him and quickly covered it with the soiled nappy. I waited, peeked, blew and covered again. Satisfied that he wasn't going to wee, I turned around to get the cotton wool with which to wipe him when...'Prssssshhhhhhhh!'

My entire blouse was soaked.

"Oh no!"

"What? Did he pee on you?" asked Mango. He took one look at me, took a picture on his iPhone (no doubt to tweet later) and smirked.

"Whatever," I shrugged "At least it didn't happen ...TWICE!!! Ahhhhhhh!" The boy drenched me again, still screaming his protest at being so exposed. Mango doubled over and called his mum, who applauded her grandson, like it was some achievement.

"Right, that's it! All your wet clothes are coming off and I'm running you under the tap!"

As I dried him off, he became very still. I started to brag. "Yes, baby, I know you peed on me twice because I could handle it. I am Supermum! Anyone else would have freaked out." He let out a fart. "That's right, you have the best mummy in the world...Oh God!Is he pooing??!!!" The hand I cupped around his bum was gradually being filled by a warm, mustard-coloured sludge.
"MAHAHAHAHAHAAGGGG!!!!" Mango was turning blue and about to pass out.
I looked at the tiny bum passing such vileness into my hand, looked at the calm contented face and Mango's gagging form.

The old me might have been tempted to wipe my hand on Mango's shirt.

Meh. At least the poo wasn't watery. I got up calmly to wash my hand and Baby's bottom.